My Friend and I Like the Same Person


My Friend and I Like the Same Person

by Pulane Hill
March 22, 2023
Two women in the same dress look at each other, angry at a party.

Have you and your friend both liked the same person? My friend has experienced this situation a couple of times, and she gained a lot of knowledge as a result. She wants to share her experience and help others. Z, my friend, and her best friend Emma are the main characters.

In this first story, Z and Emma were in 7th grade. Their status was very close friends but not quite best friends. When the two discovered that they like the same boy, Kevin, Emma was more excited than disgusted. Emma believed that it would bring the two of them closer. Z had the opposite reaction; she thought she must remove all feelings for Kevin. It wasn't simple for her to stop all emotion; especially as at the same time she helped Emma be with Kevin for the sake of the friendship. For example, Z gave Emma Kevin’s number so the two of them could FaceTime. Over time the two grew closer and left Z behind. Z never got her closure.

The second story is about Z and Emma in the 9th grade, when they both liked John. Z met John over the summer and started a friendship. When Z told Emma about him and showed a picture, Emma replied, “He’s attractive.” Then once school came around Emma and John had a class together, which started a constant action of Emma running to Z gushing over him. Eventually, Emma declared, “Z it's happening again, we like the same person…” At this moment Z knew she had to leave all her feelings for him because her best friend liked him too. Once again, she didn't know that it was that hard to lose her feelings; John would make sure she was safe at home, and they texted each other. Emma flirted with him all the time though creating a one-sided relationship where John would tell his friends they weren’t together while Emma told people they were. Next thing she knew he started dating another girl publicly and she thought he was cheating, but they weren't even together. In the middle of 9th grade, he left and transferred.

I talked with my friend Z to learn more about how these experiences felt now that we’re in 12th grade and what she’s learned from them.

Are you still friends with Emma? Why?

Yeahh. Me and her have a weird relationship, weird bond. If someone hits her, I will be there for her. I might need her one day. I don't have a real reason why. It's not easy to cut her off, we’ve grown closer throughout the years.

Why didn't Emma put your feelings in account?

Because we didn't set boundaries and I never ever sat down and told her what she needs to change or fix. I'm not a comforting person so sitting down and talking is hard for me. I'm not that type of person.

What did you learn from these experiences?

That I can't tell everyone everything, and she is the one person I can't share my relationship stuff with. And also, I learned I have to see how people act before I express my feelings and take things they do into account.

What would you do differently in the past?

Be more private with relationships with her and don't over share my feelings. Um.. Even though it might be hard to have that convo with her, I would talk right when it happened. So it won't happen again.

What would you tell others going through this as well?

Just be very careful who you tell what and set boundaries early in the friendship. Just be honest, on both parts. Really be straight up and not make jokes or suppress your feelings.

Pulane Hill will graduate from McKinley Tech High school with her friend Genesis H. She was the Historian in student government for the class of 2023 and plans to study marketing and minor in graphic design in college.